I’m about as big of a Harry Potter fan as you’ll find. I’ve read the entire series probably upwards of twenty times. I can’t help it, it’s my own personal brand of heroin the greatest thing of all time and I will Avada Kedavra anyone who disagrees.
There’s magic. Evil. Bravery. Friendship. Love. Gingers. Owls. Werewolves. Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore. Back stabbing. Abusive teachers. Airborne sports. Lord Voldemort.
Basically, if you don’t like Harry Potter, you should just Wingardium Leviosa yourself out of my life before I Crucio your ass.
As much as I love Harry Potter, however, there are a few logic fails that have always sort of bothered me.
For one, what’s up with those owls? As much as I would love to have a snowy owl as a pet, how do they do that crazy mail stuff?
1. Harry never tells Hedwig where to go but she always knows how to get there
2. Assuming Hedwig does know how to get there, where does she keep the letter? In her beak? In her talons? Are we really going to trust an owl with our top-secret mail? How do muggles not see that? And what about packages? Are you trying to tell me that no one noticed a peck of owls (yes, peck is the right term, assholes) flying all around the place with FedEx boxes? What about an owl carrying a broomstick through the air in broad daylight?
My next complaint is a little technical. Hermione mentions that Hogwarts has a bunch of anti-muggle charms around it where if you get too close you just see castle ruins with a sign talking about how unsafe the building is. Question, when you hide a building, does it hide the people around it too? I get the logic that the people inside are hidden but what happens when you walk outside? Are you invisible? Can people not see you flying your broomstick? I would think that would probably raise a few eyebrows.
Even assuming you can’t see the wizards, do you really think putting a sign that says “Keep Out” is going to stop people? If I saw a sign telling me there was a ruined castle that was falling apart, my first instinct would be to go check it out! You know, take some sweet pictures. And then I would call up Ghost Adventures so they could check it out.
Also, if all these people are magical, why do they still live like they’re in the middle ages? Why are you walking around in robes and shit? Why are you writing with a quill? What are you, Benjamin Franklin or something (Boom! History roasted)? Why do you still use candles and fire? I get that you can magically start a fire with your wand but wouldn’t be just as easy to wave your wand and get central heating?
Finally, why didn’t any of these people use their magic to make their lives better? Dumbledore can wave his wand and make a comfy chair appear out of nowhere yet Mr. and Mrs. Weasley can’t wave their wands and get themselves some more money? Or a nicer house? Or a decent pair of dress robes for Ron?
As for Hermione, muggles have this wonderful thing called a hair straightner. If they can do it, the least you can do is find some spell to make your hair permanently not-nasty.
And as for Harry, there has to be a wizard version of eye surgery. Why not get your vision fixed? Or at least get a pair of glasses that don’t make you look untouchable?
I could vomit something better than that
As for Hermione, muggles have this wonderful thing called a hair straightner. If they can do it, the least you can do is find some spell to make your hair permanently not-nasty.
It's like she's wearing Ron's robes on her head
And as for Harry, there has to be a wizard version of eye surgery. Why not get your vision fixed? Or at least get a pair of glasses that don’t make you look untouchable?
Maybe if he got better glasses, instead of The Boy Who Lived, he could be The Boy Who Gets Girls
But hey, at the end of the day, Harry Potter is still awesome if for no other reason than there are not sparkly vampires and the main characters have more than one facial expression. (Kristen Stewart, I’m talking to you).
No comments:
Post a Comment