Ghost Adventures!

Last week, I admitted my love for Ghost Adventures and declared that I was embarrassed by it.

Since then, I’ve been thinking, why should I be embarrassed about watching what can only be described as the greatest show ever made?

 Best. Show. Ever.

YOU should be embarrassed for not watching it.

And here’s why.

Whoa. Hang on. Let’s back track and I’ll give you a little need-to-know info. Ghost Adventures is a documentary show on the Travel Channel with Zak Bagans. Actually, let’s let Zak describe it as he does in the intro of every show, “My name is Zak Bagans. I never believed in ghosts until I came face to face with one. So I set out on a quest to capture what I once saw onto video. With no big camera crews following us around, I am joined only by my fellow investigator Nick Groff and our equipment tech Aaron Goodwin. The three of us will travel to some of the most highly active paranormal locations, where we will spend an entire night, being locked down from dusk until dawn. Raw; extreme; these are our Ghost Adventures.”

And, God help me, every time I hear these words, said in the most melodramatic voice EVER, I get ridiculously excited.

And here are the top 5 reasons you will too

5. It’s hilarious

            Yes, yes. I’m aware that it is a ghost show and isn’t supposed to be funny. Apparently nobody told Zak, Nick, and Aaron because it is one of the most hilarious things on television. There are no words to describe how awesome it is to watch Nick panicking about being touched, “Bro. No, bro. Something is (bleep)ing touching me. Dude. There was something right (bleep)ing behind me.” To be honest though, the highlight of the show is Aaron’s face any time anything remotely weird happens. I can’t do the face justice so I will just let it speak for itself.

 Hahaha. Let's all point and laugh

4. It’ll scare the sh!t out of you

            I know I just said this show was hilarious and I stand by it but there is something about night vision and a shaky camera that immediately makes my blood pressure go up. As much as I want to dismiss the bumps and shadows as ridiculous, I sort of find myself being like, “HOLY SH!T! DID YOU JUST SEE THAT F@CKING THING?!?” and 10 minutes later I find myself desperately afraid to close my eyes but even more afraid to leave them open.

You think I’m being ridiculous? True story: one day I was watching a Ghost Adventures episode where Aaron got scratched by a spirit and you could see the 3 scratch marks appearing on his leg (3 is a demonic number, according to Zak). When I got home, I felt my leg burning and I looked down and I had 2 scratch marks on my leg. As I looked, I literally saw a 3^rd scratch appear. Out of nowhere. Scariest thing of my life. Don’t believe me? Here’s a picture I took right after it happened (and after I had stopped screaming/sobbing/hiding in my closet)

 True story. That's my leg... after a ghost got a hold of it

3. They scare the sh!t out of themselves

            We already talked about the awesome face that Aaron makes when he gets scared but I just need to reemphasize the fact that they actually get super scared themselves. In the intro, you see Nick sprinting for his life and Zak screaming after him “NO, NO! Stop running! Stop!” Episode after episode we see their ridiculously awesome scared faces and sometimes even hear them let out awesome little-girl screams.

 Somebody needs a change of underwear

2. Zak’s masterful use of the English Language

            I enjoy words. Big words. Small words. Nice words. Mean words. Imagine my pleasure when I discovered that my hero, Zak Bagans, has this same love. Some of his favorites are “manifest,” “entity,” “energy,” and “bastard.” Sometimes he even uses them in the same sentence like “Hey Bastard! Was that you? Were you sucking my energy to manifest yourself into a bastard entity?” He is also a fan of the phrase: “It is said…”

Like; “It is said spirits speak in the white noise” or “It is said spirits give off electromagnetic energy” or “it is that I am a gigantic douche who wears pants too big and shirts too small”

 Pondering poetry... or why his pants are falling off

1. The guys themselves

            I’m about 90% sure I will never get married for any number of reasons (most notably: I am selfish, egotistical, and impossible to please) but if any of these three guys proposed to me, I would be walking down the aisle in a black dress, heavy eyeliner, and blood red lipstick. They are all so awesome in so many different ways. 

Aaron is just a big giant teddy bear that you want to hug… and then teach to read.

 Poor kid. Who let him loose in a book store? That's just mean.

Nick is like the younger brother who just wants to prove he is as good as his older brother… and falls short.

 I'm so sad. Why does everyone like Zak better?

And Zak, what can I say about Zak? There are no words. Other than, “Yes, Zak, I will marry you and move with you to a haunted castle in Transylvania where one or both of us will probably become possessed and lead us to murder our children”

Ladies and Gentlemen, my future husband

And that, friends, is why you will be tuning into Ghost Adventures at every chance you get