Kids Say the Darndest Things Part 2

Last night was the last night I will be working at the Pierre City Pool and like I promised, here is the list of “Kids Say the Darndest Things” for the second half of the summer. Enjoy.

What’s Wrong With America

Katie: What’s your favorite sport?

Carson: I like watching TV.

Anatomy Lessons

(Brian climbs out of the pool holding his arm)
Katie: What’s wrong?

Brian: My leg hurts.

Katie: That’s your arm.

Brian: Oh (goes back to playing like it’s no big thing)

Too Much Excitement

(Brian again climbs out of the pool)

Katie: Brian, what’s wrong?

Brian: My stomach hurts.

Katie: Why does your stomach hurt?

Brian: I just had too crazy a day.

Smart Kid

(My uncle tried the “What time do you go to the dentist?” “At tooth-hutry” joke to his nephew)

Don: What time should you go to the dentist?

Landon: Every 6 months.

Weighty Decisions

(Joking with a kid about two obese kids)

Katie: If you had to date one of them, which one would you date?

Girl: (doesn’t even look at them) The skinnier one.

Lifetime Ambitions

Raeann: What do you want to be when you grow up?

Kid: A butterfly

More Lifetime Ambitions

Katie: What do you want to be when you grow up?

Maggie: A horse.

Katie: (laughing) A horse? Like a horse rider?

Maggie: A horse.

Ordering Food is Difficult

Kid: Can I get Zebra Cakes?

Katie: You only have 25 cents. You can only get something for a quarter.

Kid: Can I get 2 Jolly Rancher sticks?

Katie: You can only get one. Do you want a green or a red?

Kid: Can I get blue?

More Anatomy

Emma: (attempting to teach the arms to American Crawl) Paddie, can you show my your big arms?

Paddie: (looks at both arms and measuring them) Well, I think this one is the bigger one.

One Little Boy, A Lot of Problems

(hanging on the wall working his way deeper)

Katie: You need to stay where you can touch.

Kid: I can touch over there on the wall. Like I push off with my feet.

Katie: That doesn’t count. You need to be able to swim by yourself.

Kid: I can swim. I swim on the wall.

Katie: That doesn’t count. You need to go back to where you can touch.

Kid: Oh man. I really want to go on the floaty. Why can’t you move it to the little part?

Katie: It’s too shallow there. If someone fell off they would hit their head.

Kid: But what about here? (points at three feet deep section)

Katie: Still too shallow.

Kid: Here? (moves hand to a spot two inches further on the wall)

Katie: No.

Kid: Here? (moves hand to a spot two inches further on the wall)

Katie: No.

Kid: Here? (moves hand to a spot two inches further on the wall)

Katie: No.

Kid: Here? (moves hand to a spot two inches further on the wall)

Katie: No.

Same Kid, 20 Minutes Later

Kid: So all of this food costs?

Katie: Yep. You have to pay to get the snacks.

Kid: But like, not for all of it.

Katie: Yep, all of the food costs money.

Kid: But why?

Katie: Because we pay for it so we need to sell it too.

Kid: But not all of it. Like you could give some away. Like lemonheads.

Katie: Nope. We can’t give any of it away.

Kid: I’m going to ask my Mom for money tomorrow.

Katie: That’s a good idea.

Kid: How much is it?

Katie: 25 cents or one quarter.

Kid: Ok. (Pause) Can I give you something else for it?

Katie: What do you mean?

Kid: Like can I give you one of those things? (makes a rectangle with his hands)

Katie: No, you have to give us money.

Kid: I know. Like it’s a block and it’s paper. (makes another rectangle with his hands)

Katie: What?

Kid: You know, like a block (makes another rectangle with his hands) and it’s green.

Katie: Do you mean a dollar?

Kid: Yeah!!!! Can I give you one of those?

Katie: Yes we take dollars.

Kid: Good. Tonight I’ll sneak some out of my bag because my family gave me a lot of blocks for my birthday.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, are some of the best kids’ quotes I’ve heard in a while.