Painting With All The Colors of the Wind

I live in New York. I’m from South Dakota.

Two worlds apart.

Seriously. It’s like Pocahontas. The settlers (New Yorkers) are just money-obsessed, arrogant assholes while the Indians (South Dakotans) just want to grow crops, read smoke signals, and talk to raccoons.

In this situation, I’m obviously Pocahontas. Bridging the gap between “races”. Speaking with wisdom beyond my years. Showing New Yorkers what corn is. Painting with all the colors of the wind. So on and so forth.

That being said, it is obviously my duty to explain both cultures to those of you who are ignorant (also, in keeping with this Pocahontas theme, try humming “Just Around the River Bend” as you read on).

South Dakota:

For all you city folk, South Dakota is a land locked state in the geographic center of the nation. It is also a barren wasteland with more cows than people.

-It has a rich heritage as the home of various Native American tribes. Unfortunately, unlike Pocahontas, they do not speak in song or have sweet names like Kocoum.

-It is a virtual gumbo of ethnicities and races with Native Americans, Scandinavians, and Germans. Ok, so it’s really just a gumbo made with three ingredients. Still tasty though.

-It also has the poorest county in the entire United States of America. Woo-hoo! At least we are topping the charts in something, right? Right?

-It has Mount Rushmore. Because nothing says, “Come check us out!” quite like a mountain of stone with old dead guys carved in it that costs 10 bucks to see.

-There are a lot of ranches and farms but contrary to popular belief, there is electricity, we do have the internets and cellular telephones, and there are not hitching posts in front of buildings (well, not MOST buildings)

New York:

It is the largest city in the United States and is, apparently, also a “concrete jungle where dreams are made.”

-It has some of the best food in the entire world and it is priced accordingly. Speaking of which, who wants to split the $1,000 desert at Serendipity? (On a completely related subject, why do they feel the need to put gold leaf on desert? I don’t understand the concept of paying out of my ass just so I have the pleasure of eating some flakes of metal)

-Site seeing opportunities are endless. The Statue of Liberty. Ellis Island. The Brooklyn Bridge. Tina Fey at 30 Rock. Well, I can’t see the last one until my restraining order expires but… you get the picture.

-There are so many public transportation options that you can get literally get anywhere for almost no money. That is… if you’re able to put aside the fact that the subways and buses are crawling with BILLIONS of germs (and the occasional crazy drunk)

There. Now you know everything you need to know about New York and South Dakota. You’re welcome.

And if I came across as pompous, it’s only because I’ve been in New York for so long.