She Doesn't Even Go Here!

“OMG Danny DeVito! I love your work!”

I’m going to make a bold claim here but I would like to see someone contradict me: Mean Girls is the defining film of my generation (at least for girls). There are not enough words for me to describe its epicness but here are my top five reasons why it's so great.

5. Post-Parent Trap Pre-Downward Spiral Lindsay Lohan

I don’t think I need to go into to much detail about my love for Lindsay Lohan. I know I’ve mentioned my love for The Parent Trap at least twice on this blog and if you don’t remember it, maybe you should just go back through and read them all. That movie is like a cake of rainbows and smiles. Anyway, Mean Girls introduces us to the brand new grown up Lindsay Lohan and it’s great! She’s got the world at her feet and none of us can imagine all of the great things she’ll do. Fast forward a few years and not only is she a drug-addict, probable-alcoholic, shop-lifter but she did the unforgivable and dated Fez from That 70’s Show. I mean, how do you come back from that?

But we can always watch Mean Girls and relive that wonderful time when Cady Heron was the coolest Ginger Plastic of all time.

4. Introduced Us to Amy Poehler

Remember Amy? Before she was Leslie Knope on Parks and Recreation, she was the “cool mom” of Regina George. The one who brought in virgin margaritas and wanted to know “the 411” because those girls “keep her young.” She’s also the mom who danced along to her daughter’s slutty musical number “Jingle Bell Rock” and let her young daughter dance and sing to Kelis’s “Milkshake.” And who can forget that nasty little Chihuahua chewing on her surgically enhanced chest. Really, what’s not to love?

3. Introduced Us to Tina Fey

Yes, yes. I know both Tina Fey and Amy Poehler were in the Upright Citizens Brigade and on SNL but when Mean Girls came out I was fourteen and those two things weren’t even on my radar. But who can forget how awesome Ms. Norbury was when Damian said, “My grandma takes her wig off when she’s drunk” and Ms. Norbury quipped back “Your grandmother and I have that in common.” As if that wasn’t great enough, remember when you first found out that SHE was the one who wrote that movie? It’s like Jesus and Betty White had a baby and it was Tina Fey. Now, of course, everyone knows Tina Fey, and Tina Fey’s Sarah Palin, and Tina Fey’s Liz Lemmon, and Tina Fey’s books, and Tina Fey’s greatness in general. But we all know that deep down, she’ll always be Ms. Norbury to us.

2. The Best Apologies of All Time

I could go into more detail here and list exactly why the apology scene is one of the greatest things of all time. But why tell you when I can show you?

1. Dare I Say… Most Quotable Movie of All Time

I’m sure some of you disagree but I can guarantee that if you went up to a girl between the ages of 18-26 and said a line from Mean Girls, they would immediately recognize it. So with no further ado, I’d like to present you with some of the greatest gems from Tina Fey’s mind. As a fun little bonus, I’m not going to tell you who said these quotes so good for you if you can identify them all.

“That’s why her hair’s so big. It’s full of secrets”

“I can’t go out *cough* I’m sick”

“Boo, you whore”

“Taylor Zimmermann, two for you. Glenn Coco? FOUR for you, Glenn Coco! You go, Glenn Coco. And uh... "Caddy" Heron. Do we have a "Caddy" Heron here? Oh Cady, here you go, one for you... And none for Gretchen Wieners, bye.”

“Hell, no. I did NOT leave the South Side for this!”

“You Puerto Rican?”

“Lebanese”

“I feel that”

“Oh my God, Karen, you can't just ask people why they're white.”

“God! I am so sorry Regina. Really, I don't know why I did this. I guess it's probably because I've got a big lesbian crush on you! Suck on THAT!”

“Don't have sex, because you will get pregnant and die!”

“Irregardless, ex-boyfriends are just off limits to friends. I mean that's just like the rules of feminism.”

“Gretchen, stop trying to make fetch happen! It's not going to happen!”

“One time, she punched me in the face. It was AWESOME.”

“And on the third day, God created the Remington bolt-action rifle, so that Man could fight the dinosaurs. And the homosexuals.”

“Most people think I'm lying about being a virgin because I prefer jumbo tampons, but I can't help it if I have a heavy flow and a wide-set vagina!”

“Raise your hand if you have ever been personally victimized by Regina George.”

And with that, I leave you with the sincere hope that you live every day like you’re Glenn Coco.