Dress Code

This is an open letter to Fordham’s female students and women everywhere:

Dear Rams (Lady Rams? Ramettes? Ewes?)

We live in a post 19^th Amendment world! The world of Title 9, Roe v Wade, and epic one day sales at Macys. Why do we not stand up and declare “NO! I will not dress up for class!”

Everyday I see guys walking to class in their mesh shorts or sweat pants, a stained shirt, some old worn out moccasins, and hair that hasn’t been washed in weeks. But at the same time I see women rushing to class in 18 inch heels, 300 dollar dresses, 5.6 pounds of makeup, and hair that must have taken an hour to do.

Each day it seems as if this girls are in some competition to out do each other. Each girl that walks in the door is better dressed and better groomed than the girl before. And there I am, sitting in the back corner in some sweatpants and a sports shirt from my freshman year of high school with my hair in the same pony tail I’ve been sporting since middle school.

You know what they say; “when you find a look that works for you, stick with it.”

Although, to be fair, I’m not sure if the look really “works” for me or if I’m just too lazy to find a look that does…

Anyway, in order to keep up with them, I’ve decided to start wearing my various prom dresses to class. I have to do what I can to keep up with the Joneses.

With those WASPy Mother F-ing Joneses.

Sure, people give me weird looks but no one can deny that I look hott (I put two “t’s” because one just doesn’t accurately convey how good I look). I get my hair professionally coiffed at one of NYC’s 500 Unisex hair saloons. I get manicures from that place on Fordham Rd and I know they’re good because they are Asian (fyi this isn’t racist because I’m saying something nice about them like “Black people can jump high” or “Indians make great food” or “Arabs are really good taxi drivers”). After that, I pick out a pair of really nice, classy heels. Nothing under 7 inches. Throw on my prom dress and, depending on the mood, even add a corsage.

Then I head to class for my moment to shine.

But let’s get real; I can’t wear a prom dress every day. They just aren’t that comfortable and when it gets a little colder, I’m going to freeze my ass off.

So I’m offering a new solution.

Girls: let’s boycott. Show up to class looking as absolutely shitty as possible.

Got drunk, slept with a rando, and stole their clothes to walk-of-shame it back home? That’s cool. Wear that to class.

Woke up late and didn’t have time to fully prepare yourself? Wear your pajamas and tousled hair.

Hey! Maybe you just don’t want to get dressed. Screw it. Wear whatever the hell you want.

Come on ladies. This is the 21^st century. Let’s make the most of it.

And, let me have an excuse to dress like crap without feeling inferior. Remember WWKBD.