Hey you! Yeah, you! That nasty person standing directly next to me. Can I ask a question? There is plenty of room all around us so why are you attempting to stand on the same square foot that I am?
The other day I was on the subway which was absolutely packed. Not only did I have to stand but I was literally sandwiched in between two women. The woman in front of me was holding a purse which was apparently made out of razor blades as every tiny movement of hers cut the hell out of me. Honestly though, I’m more ok with that little bit of discomfort than the one that was going on behind me.
Bracing herself between the pole on the wall and the pole in the middle of the car was a woman who was either 8 months pregnant or else gains weight in a really unfortunate way. As our train chugged steadily uptown, I could feel her belly against my back.
Not ok.
When I first felt her belly resting against me I thought, “OMG this cannot get any worse.”
I was wrong.
Apparently Pregnant Lady really liked whatever jams she was listening to, resulting in her belly rubbing all along my back.
Maybe I’m overreacting but… I don’t think it’s normal for a stranger to caress me with her baby bump. I mean, at least buy me dinner first or something.
This brings me to my point for today; back the f up. If I don’t know you—and in most cases, even if I do know you—there is no reason for you to be standing so close that I can smell your breath and identify everything you’ve eaten in the past week (on a side note, an egg salad sandwich? Really? Did you want to make yourself completely untouchable?)
I guess the moral of this blog post is that this is America. I should feel free and safe. Our fathers fought and died so we could live in a country where we don’t have to be touched inappropriately by baby bumps.
God bless you. God bless me. And God bless the United States of America.
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