Kids These Days

Geez. Kids these days… I tell you what…

I know basically every generation says “I was nothing like that when I was a kid” but I really truly believe I really was nothing like that when I was a kid.

And, lucky for you, I’ve been putting a lot of thought into just what it is about this generation of rugrats that is so different from mine.

Speaking of “Rugrats”… kids these days don’t have the same kind of awesome television that I had growing up.

How can you compare something like “Yo Gabba Gabba” to television gold like “Hey Arnold!”?  “Hey Arnold!” was a beautiful story about kids of all ethnicities growing up together and learning to accept their differences while cool jazz music played in the background.  It also gave my generation the iconic catchphrase “Stoop Kid’s afraid to leave his stoop!” “Yo Gabba Gabba” sounds like some sort of tropical disease that you need to get shots for.

Or how can you compare “Dora the Explorer” to “Rocket Power”? “Rocket Power” was about a few bad ass kids who were pretty much champions at every sport. They also had a father whom they called “Raymundo” and a friend named “Maurice” who answered to “Twister”. I can’t make up that kind of awesome. As far as I can tell, “Dora the Explorer” is about a little Mexican girl who has been wandering around rain forests with a rabid monkey and no adult supervision. What kind of message is that?

Another problem with kids today is their sensitivity.

Listen, I’m all for positive encouragement, pats on the back, smiley face stickers, rainbows and unicorns, and all that good stuff (mainly because I work with children and am required to say that) but there comes a point when we coddle our children to the point they become unbearable, overly dependent pansies with superiority complexes.

When I was younger, we didn’t get “Participation” ribbons. If you won, you got a ribbon. If you lost, you didn’t. It’s as simple as that. Why are we giving our kids medals and ribbons to commemorate the fact that they showed up? Since when are rewarding kids for the simple act of stepping out of their mother’s mini-vans? That’s not an accomplishment!

Do you think kids in China get medals for showing up? Do you think kids in India get told “good effort” even if they don’t win? Nope. They get shipped away to AT&T customer service centers to make our lives a living hell.

Speaking of sensitivity, what are we all so afraid of? The crap we give our kids as “entertainment” is all so watered down and politically correct. When I was younger, my favorite children’s story was the Grimm Brother’s “Ashenputtel” (the original version of “Cinderella”). There was death, deception, male chauvinism, talking animals, bloodshed (birds peck out the eyes of the two evil step sisters), and self-mutilation (the sisters cut off chunks of their foot in hopes of fitting it into the shoe). What more could I ask for in a story?

Now children’s stories have to be considered “age-appropriate” and all the stories are mushy feel good crap with happy endings. How about you quit trying to tell me when the appropriate age is for me to introduce my child to bloody revenge? And, while we’re discussing it; I know a place where you can shove that rainbow and unicorn crap…

Anyway… I’m sure this generation will say it about the generation that comes after them just like every generation has since the beginning of time but kids these days just aren’t like I was.

Then again, I did have to 15 miles. To and from school.  In the snow. Every day. Uphill both ways.