If You Give a Mouse a Cookie: Child Vaccine Edition

If you give your kid a vaccination, your child will develop Autism.

"Not the autism juice, Mommy!"

If your child develops autism, they might be a genius.

You can tell he's smart cuz glasses 

If your child is a genius, it can make you a lot of money.

Like Rainman

If you make a lot of money, you will move to where rich people live.

Basically your life now

If you move to where rich people live, you will meet the Kardashians (because they are money hungry hanger-ons).

 Of course Kris would, of course

If you meet the Kardashians, your child and North West (the person, not the direction) will become best friends.

Beyonce is us; we are Beyonce

If your child becomes friends with North West the Person*, you will probably join season 66 of Keeping Up With the Kardashians.

This is you, now

*"North West the Person” is courtesy of Suri's Burn Book

If you join season 66 of Keeping Up With the Kardashians, you will complete the final point of the Kardashian Klan’s pentagram with Kylie, Kim, Khloe, and Kourtney (Kendall will have left the family by this point)

This is you, now

If you complete the pentagram, a portal to hell will be opened allowing Satan to reunite with his true form—Kris Jenner.

Waiting for Soul to meet Body, right Death Cab?

If Satan returns to true form, he will take over the earth.

Let's do this bitch

If he takes over the earth, God will have to send down angels to fight him.

#messy

If the angels come to earth, humans will get caught in the crossfire.

I can't think of anything worse

If humans get caught in the crossfire, everyone will die with the exception of you, Bill O’Reilly, who is kept alive by rage, and Meg Ryan whose plastic surgery has rendered her part robot.

RIP Real Meg Ryan

If it is just you, Bill, and Meg left on earth; it will be up to you and Bill to repopulate the earth because Meg’s womb is plastic.

Foxy (see what I did there?)

If you and Bill have a child, it will be a hatemongering, bald, angry toddler who you will eventually kill after realizing how awful it is.

Look what you pushed out your who-ha! 

If you have to kill your child, the human population will die out leaving the earth to be overrun by cockroaches who will create a peaceful, democratic, self-sustaining civilization.

See how there's not a line? It's because their civilization is perfect 

And all of this happened because you gave your kid a vaccination.

The End

PS, don’t be a dummy, vaccinate what was in your tummy!

PPS, there is no statistical link between vaccines and autism. The one study that first connected the dots has now been discounted and the “doctor” who wrote it has had his license taken away. Don’t believe me? Read this, this, this, and/or any other article that can be found with the simplest and most cursory Google search

PPPS, there may be no link between autism and vaccines but there is a definite link between no vaccines and diseases that are 100% F-ING PREVENTABLE. So don’t be an idiot: GET YOUR MOTHER F@CKING KIDS VACCINATED.