As the year winds down and the end of the world approaches
(if you believe the Mayans) let’s take a moment to say goodbye to some of the
things we lost this year.
1. One Tree Hill
I’m going
to be honest, I did not realize that this show was still on the air until I saw
it trending on twitter for having its finale. I used to watch One Tree Hill (or OTH, as fans called it) every single Wednesday after CCD from 8th
grade until college when they introduced the “Nanny Carrie” plot. For those of
you who don’t know, OTH started off
as a typical show about teen angst, then all the sudden fast-forwarded 5 years,
had one of the couples pop out a kid and then brought in a crazy nanny who
tried to kidnap him before she was killed in a cornfield. Not like they lived in
South Carolina where there are no corn fields or anything… Long story short, OTH was amazing and pushed the limits
for believability on a television show. They will be missed (at least until
Chad Michael Murray finds another acting job)
2. Twilight
I don’t
know what I am going to do with myself now that I don’t have a Twilight movie to wait for every 9
months. It was like being pregnant but instead of having to suffer hours of
labor and then take care of a kid for the next 18 years, you just had to suffer
a few hours of Kristen Stewart’s apathy. Not to mention, Twilight was such an easy movie to make fun of! At every twist and
turn there was some lackluster acting performance, embarrassingly cheesy line
of dialogue, or terrifying tattoo to mock. I don’t know what will now hold that
place in my heart.
3. Jelena
For those
of you not as up to date as me on “youth slang,” Jelena is the celebrity couple name for Justin Bieber and Selena
Gomez. For a couple that I didn’t believe would last longer than 3 dates, they
sure made it a long time. Until they inevitably broke up after Justin and
Selena both realized they found Ryan Gosling attractive (and honestly, who can
blame them?)
4. Mitt Romney’s Presidential Campaign
This may
sound mean but let’s be honest; Romney has been running for president basically
since 2007. Now that those dreams have been crushed by a
Nazi-socialist-communist-Muslim, Romney has more time to spend with his lovely
wife (the ice-princess Ann), his sons (named after various inanimate objects),
his horse (who I think is named after the baboon in The Lion King), and the 53% of Americans who don’t think that
everyone is entitled to government hand-outs like “food” and “shelter.”
And finally,
5. Miley’ Cyrus’ dog Lila
Yesterday,
my heart was torn out of my chest when I saw “RIP Lila” trending on Twitter.
Frantically, I clicked on it thinking that perhaps Linsay Lohan had finally succumbed
to her hard-partying way. Tragically, I found it was much worse; Miley Cyrus’
dog died and her fans were showing their sympathy the best way they knew how…
by tweeting messages that Miley would never see.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m as “pro-dog” as anyone. I cried when
the dog died in Where the Red Fern Grows.
I cried when Marley died in Marley and Me.
I cry when Meredith and Derek put down Doc in Grey’s Anatomy. I refuse to watch Old Yeller because even thinking about a boy having to shoot his
dog makes me want to quit living.
BUT… On the same day Miley’s dog trended on twitter for over
3 hours, people were shot in Oregon. Children starved in Africa. I’m sure at least
one person was blown up in the Middle East. Basically, a lot of sh!t hit the
fan but the only thing that we recognize is the death of Miley’s dog. I mean,
COME ON PEOPLE. WTF happened to our priorities!?!
Well, that’s enough of a rant for one day. And if the world
doesn’t end next Friday, you can expect many more rants to come.
However, if it does end, just be glad you got the chance to
have me in your life. You’re welcome.
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